Well here we are, mid March and almost at the 1st day of Spring. The “busy” of the holidays and start of a New Year seem to be settling a tiny bit, or rather I have found my new routine. I am struggling with finding the time to write. Often things come to me in the early morning hours while I am running or breathing on the yoga mat. When I get to my journal later, the words seem to have been lost along the way. But I am still determined to get in at least 1 post a month. As my first “shared” post was a magazine article I wrote and the magazine has since been taken down, I thought I would take the time to repost as inspiration not only to others, but to myself to keep on keepin’ on.
“I Do- The Promise That is Tested”
People make promises and then break them all the time. To keep a promise, you must understand, that it’s not just to someone else, but also to yourself.
“I’ll accompany you, and you’ll accompany me”, is the promise my husband and I repeated to each other on our wedding day over 5 years ago. A day we stood in front of our closest family and friends as we committed to spending the rest of our lives together.
Little did I know that a wrecking ball was going to come crashing in the window 10 days later, that would test us in so many, many ways. But my husband saved our marriage, by saving himself first. Huh, you ask? Remember I said the promise is 2 fold, and lucky for me, he realized he had to start with the man in the mirror.
Long story (to be told another day) short- the man I married just admitted he was an alcoholic, and not only needed but wanted help. At that moment, he didn’t want to be alone for a second, not even in the shower, like he was afraid the world was going to swallow him up. I was kind of wishing it would swallow me up. I felt like everything was surreal, like I was watching a movie. Watching someone face their demons head on is certainly scary. But surely as the sun rises each morning, we found light in our love. It was as easy, and as hard, as getting up each day and asking, “What can I do to help?”.
Over the next days, weeks, and months, people asked how I managed to continue living life as usual (as opposed to lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself ). When you love someone, I mean , really love someone- you love all of them. I believe that we find reflections of ourselves in those around us. We’re not all that different from each other after all, and realizing that makes life a little easier. I put myself in his shoes everyday. We became better versions of ourselves and grew in ways that only comes from the hard times. My husband has become the partner, son, brother, and father that he was destined to be because he started with the man in the mirror. I am so glad I get to look into that mirror and see myself next to him, as the spouse, daughter, sister and mom I was destined to become by keeping my promise.
If you’re lucky, you will let go of those that you know you will not be able to hold true to your promises. If you are even luckier, you will find the one that lets you make a promise to be your best self every day by being together.
Clearly Present 